The Oracle of Graceland Predicts Destruction of the SC Troopers Deathstar

Without a doubt "The Force" with The Elvis Beaver Posse squad last week with the fall of the leagues number one team! But The Oracle of Graceland didn't stop there, he successfully predicted correctly 6 out of 7 match-ups!   Only Carlos Danger was able to overcome The Oracle's predictions!  This was EBP's biggest win of the season, knocking off a number one team with a disguarded (only owned by 3% of the entire Yahoo Fantasy Football teams) defense of the G-Men who put up a season high 22 points in a single game to seal the EBP victory.  Only the Oracle of Graceland could have predicted such an event!  Good thing he is whispering in Elvis' ear back at headquarters.  Enough with the celebration dance, that was last week it starts all over again.

With the Late Blummer's coming on strong in the last three weeks, there is cause for preparation back at Graceland Dam.  The Oracle used up most of his powers last week and if the Posse are gonna pull through this one it will take some hard work and a little luck.  Weather predictions are favorable for the Posse even if their individual opponents are not so favorable.  Weather forecasts for Sunday in Dallas are predicting heavy showers for the Seahawk / Cowboy game.  Showers of rainbow colored Skittles are expected as Marshawn repeatably scores touchdowns in a Cowboy loss and chalks up big points for the Beaver Posse.  So "Taste the Rainbow" you Late Blummers!

Other predictions from "The Oracle of Graceland"

Trey City will continue to kick the Troopers while they are down this week, still stunned from the EBP beat down from last week.

Rodgers Wrecking Crew finally puts a win on the board as the BS's take a fall

KeepPounding will do just that this week and will maintain his top spot in the league

Bill Cosby's Sleepers wakes up this week and show off his TD's

Lead Slingers keep silently creeping up the rankings and will do so again this week

Carlos has been a tricky one to predict and The Oracle will not bet against him this week!


https://youtu.be/2LUqAjVxvQg

Week 7, The Plastic Action-figure Legion of Doom Falls

For 6 weeks now the EBP team has experienced nothing but trouble and strife.  Despite the difficulties,  felonies, mis-management by a has been face painting rocker, and a 1000 year flood the team is standing at .500 and showing the signs of a championship in the making.  Last weeks performance and crushing victory over a bewildered Rhode Island Reds squad struck teror in the hearts of the PSA Rifle Crew league.  No one expected that type of domination from a 10th place 2 - 3 team.  It is obvious Elivs has found his groove and SC Troopers are taking the threat seriously.   Judging from the activity board SCT is in a panic about matching up head to head against The Posse this week, and who could blame them!

Last week SCT put up some impressive numbers but this week is very different!  This week their WR and RB positions will have some tough sledding against those defenses.  With Marshawn back in the line up against a 31st rank defense absent a Patrick Willis this year, who's to stop him?  Some plasic toy action figures from my youth!?? Don't  bet on it!  SCT's panic is real, for good reason, and justifies their last minute trading and positioning.  The EBP management will not be out done and has also positioned themselves to capitalize on SCT'S antics.  The change will take place on Saturday and should be the "icing on the victory cake" as the EBP tops the "plastic legion of doom"! 

Predictions for week 7

EBT handily beats a stunned SCTroopers as they are introduced to the true dark side!

Bluming kicks around a Wrecked Wrecking Crew as he conveniently forgets what life was like at the bottom of the barrel

Alex's team racks up their third loss in a row as they have to start Kaepernick facing a Seattle defense with Rodgers on a bye

KeepPounding takes the top spot in the league this week by rolling Show ME Your TDs,  I think they will get what they asked for!

Trey City wins easily with Rhode Island still bewildered this week on an island by themselves

Lead Slingers shoot down the high flying God Graham It this week,  what goes up must come down!  Did you really think that streak would continue! ?  Graham loses despite an excellent performance by Bell.

Bill Cosby kicks Carlos to the curb in a celebrity death match style Alabama ass whoopin!

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https://youtu.be/uT8jBofS3-E

EBP Team Blog Week6

EBP Team Blog Week 6

Gene Simmons is out!  After only 2 weeks of inking an adviser contract with the EBP organization Simmons demanded a bonus for “turning around the organization” after the first win under his “guidance and advice” the first week on staff.  The falling out between Simmons and the EBP GM probably caused the distractions that lead to the embarrassing loss last week against the God Graham It squad.  Marshawn, whom still will not speak to the media, tweeted about the circus that was going on in the EBP head office.

The official statement from the team’s media spokesman was “we are evaluating all options at this time to salvage this season”.  The Posse is only one game away from. 500 and are expected to win easily over a Rhode Island Reds team that is hampered with bye week and injured players.  Simmons never had enough time to prove his worth to the EBP organization and only brought distractions and media attention which was not what this organization needed.  A return to the fundamentals is what is needed to get this team back on track.  Playoffs may not be in their future this year but a winning season is not out of reach just yet.  After this ordeal, Elvis is solid in his head coaching position and the only voice of reason in the organization at this time.  If he can deliver a winning season with the antics going on in the front office, he maybe a hot commodity if any head coaching jobs open up within the league with a more stable management team, time will tell.  When Simmons was asked about the debacle, he only mumbled something about “beavers have buckteeth and have no place in football” before driving away in his limo.

When asked if Elvis would accept a position at another team, he stated “his focus was on next week’s game and preparing the team for the playoffs”.  Although a little early to be making predictions about playoffs, we do agree that is where his focus should be!  Enjoy the match-ups this week!

Marshawn volunteers to take Gene’s place and make the predictions this week

EBP pounds Rhode Island Reds as a send-off for Gene

SC Troopers wreck Rodgers Wrecking Co.

Blume’ing gets his second win of the season over Alex

Show me your TD’s will show up the BS’er squad

KeepPounding88 continues their reign of terror over league this week

God Graham it gets the hammering they deserved last week from Trey City (remember that Trey City is a dangerous place!)

Lead Slingers lead poison Carlos this week

EBP Gag Order Lifted!, Late posting.....

Sorry for the late post.   I wrote this on Thursday but forgot to post.

EBP Gag Order Lifted!

Week four was very positive for the future of Elvis’s head coaching job.  Despite not being an overwhelming win, it appears that his job is safe for the near future.  Advice from Gene Simmons from the front office and the added pressure to preform appears to have done its job.  Gene’s prior football organization experience seems to be paying off for the EBP!  As a result some personnel changes took place this week to help fill the large gaping hole in the line up from an injured Marshawn Lynch.  Lynch being sidelined may also be the excuse Elvis needed if the season don’t turn around.

Week 5 will be interesting for the EBP since preparations will be short due to the charity work going on in Columbia SC due to the flooding.  Who else but the Beaver Posse is better equipped to help the Palmetto State in the time of need!?  Dam and canal reconstruction are what we do best, and we do it with that Elvis style that everyone loves!

For the first time this season the EBP are underdogs in their match up against God Graham It!  Some of the Posse are taking the underdog position very seriously and are feeling slighted by the media.  Some members are even refusing to speak to the media, especially Marshawn!  All players are really pumped to prove everyone wrong and are promising to deliver a win despite the dam reconstruction in Columbia.  And just in case team God Graham It! hasn’t heard the news, Jimmy Graham is up for trade!

Week 4 Predictions

EBP tops Carlos Danger in a close one.  Elvis still has his head coaching job but to keep the pressure on, the GM hired Gene Simmons this week on as a consultant.  Even with Lynch on the bench, EBP returns to .500 this week by stepping in the face of Danger as they climb the next rung of the championship ladder.

Show me your TDs lays the lumber to the Stormtroopers this week with Stafford getting shellacked by the Seattle defense and a banged up Chris Ivory playing part time and half speed.

You're BLUME'ING gets his first win of the season by pounding on KeepPounding,  kinda like fighting fire with fire.  KeepPounding looses the Carolina magic this week with the Panthers falling to the Bucs.

Bill Cosby's reign of terror ends this week with an upset by You Can't BS a BSer squad who has been struggling this season.  Gene himself makes this call as one of the many services he is now offering the EBP organization.  Gene loves an underdog and with help from the Buffalo defense, this is a solid pick.

Alex's Team moves to 3 and 1 this week with a walk in the park over the Reds because of lack luster performances from Bridgewater and Charles.  Look for a season high from Rodgers and above average performance by Randle.

Another underdog call this week with a Rodgers Wrecking Crew win.  However this one will be close and it is nearly a toss up.  We expect Fitzpatrick to contine to surprise folks with the Jets but an under appreciated Danny Woodhead coming across the middle against a solid Cleveland could be the difference.  We had to pick one, but in reality, this one could go either way.  This is the premier matchup of the week!

It looks like Trey City will maintain their dominance in the league this week and continue their unbeaten streak with an easy win over the Lead Slingers.  With the prediction of a Carolina loss, we expect Olsen to deliver an average performance, as well as many others on the Slinger squad.

The EBP Insider Report, Week 3

The EBP Insider Report, Week 3

Chaos, pandemonium, high crimes and misdemeanors are just a few words that describe this year’s season so far for the EBP.  They started the year with very high hopes, a solid draft lineup, excellent talent that was untouched by the injury bug.  The first game was a W but a squeaker to that lawless Bill Cosby team along with the unfortunate event on the side lines involving the EBP cheer squad, and an ongoing criminal investigation.  Week two was derailed by a wrong turn in the depths of Trey City that resulted in a kidnapping and a devastating loss as well as a total loss of the EBP team bus.  Despite these tumultuous first two week of the PSA Rifle Crew season the EBP club was upbeat and ready to play the Lead Slingers in a home game back at Graceland stadium.  They picked up some surprisingly good talent from free agency before the game and were favored by almost 20 points prior to kickoff.  Unlike the first two games, the Lead Slingers appeared to be a legit team with morals and sportsmanship.  The EBP squad was soundly beaten and out coached in a not so close game.  This devastating loss was the reason the GM placed a gag order on the entire organization in regards to talking to the media.  Rumors are abound that Elvis may be on the way out as the GM is interviewing new replacement coaches in the event the season continues to slide into the abyss.

Rumors have it that there have been at least three interviews for the head coaching position.  Of course none of this is official and strictly rumor but Gene Simmons was seen leaving in a limo behind the clubhouse after about an hour in the GM’s office while the EBP was at practice this week.  If I were a betting man, Gene Simmons could take Elvis by the 2^nd round in any format death match.  That kind of talent is hard to resist for a win hungry GM!

Tony Stewart is the second front runner since announcing his upcoming retirement from driving a race car.  Not really sure how good of a marriage this would be, but the rumor mill is he is looking for a new sport where it is legal to run over people.  Those anger management issues are sure a selling point for a struggling football team looking for a winning season.  Tony received a text message from the GM just this week and some suspect that was the reason Tony has decided to hang up his racing career to pursue a new field of study.  No one knows for sure how many times Tony and the EBP GM have spoken prior.

The third and last possible replacement is Jeb Bush.  They say that politics is like Hollywood for ugly people, that being the case, Jeb might just fit the bill.  Without a win streak in politics and a dismal prospect for this election cycle, and a family history of being involved with professional sports teams he does seem qualified.  The GM was seen in Crawford TX this week immediately after the bitter loss.   Initial rumors were he was drinking and watching the game with “W” and was in town for a standard halftime beer run.  When birds of a different feather start flocking together the poperrotzis start digging deeper to uncover the dirt.  It was discovered that Jeb flew in to meet with the GM and everyone knows it wasn’t to support his campaign for president, so you be the judge. 

Maybe after this week the gag order will be lifted and Elvis can keep his job with a win over Carlos’s dangerous team this weekend.  It is very clear however that Elvis is on the hot seat and we are only 3 weeks into the season.  (yes…yes… we all know Chip Kelly is to, but don’t count on it)  Fantasy Football is a nasty business and if Elvis can’t pull it together, maybe Gene or one of these other contenders can……a win is a win is a win!

Week Two: The unfortunate events keep coming.....

Week two of the PSA Rifle Crew league rolls on with the Elvis Beaver Posse’s bad luck string in tow.  First it was the escapades of Bill Cosby on the sidelines and now, this past weekend something happened that has never happened in team history!  The bus for EBP was on the road to the notorious and dangerous Trey City for an away game when the team needed to stop for some snacks.  Wood chips in any city are extremely hard to find and the EBP bus ended up in a bad neighbor in the heart of Trey City.  After departing the bus the team was mugged by what looked like the offensive squad of the Philadelphia Eagles!  Our team members were tied up in a local crack house while the Eagles Offensive team dressed in EBP uniforms!  It appears that organized crime runs Trey City’s underworld and they were betting heavy on a Trey City win.  So much so they kidnapped the EBP squad and sent in Chip Kelly’s boys to take our place!  Well the beaver costumes and uniforms worked and no one suspected the fraud which I still can’t believe.  Adam Vinatieri misses a field goal!?? Com’ on!   That just doesn’t happen in real life!

Anyway, luckily the real EBP team gnawed through the ropes and a couple of the real team members made it to the game in time to make a last minute effort to put some points on the board but it was too little too late.  The ringers on the Trey City team had already pounded the beaver look-a-likes and the game was lost.  Beware when traveling to Trey City (or visiting Bill Cosby for that matter)!  Next week is a home game back at Graceland.  We should fare much better back on our own turf and Anquan back in the lineup.  However if the Lead Slingers perform like they did last week, we might just call Chip’s boys back to play for us again!

EBP’s Rundown of Week 1:

EBP’s Rundown of Week 1:

Game Recap

Bill Cosby came to Graceland’s Beaver Dam this week with high hopes.  After napping through the draft and the first 3 quarters of the game, he was awakened with the sole help of Julio Jones who dreamed of a Cosby victory. Despite the late game day preparations and last minute trades, Cosby’s Graceland sleepover remained peaceful, except for Julio.   Julio surprised the Posse late in the 4^th quarter with loads of lawlessness and disrespect!  Julio was able to distract the Posse long enough to squeak the Cosby Crue into the lead.  But he was no match for the ever vigilant Anquan, who was waiting crouched and ready to attack in the last game of week 1!  With Cosby only one point head, Anquan sprang the trap and overwhelmed Cosby delivering a 300% effort!  That’s right!  Anquan delivered a blistering 300% effort or 3 points for those of you that are bad at math, to push the Posse into the victory circle.

Unfortunate Events

At some point during the 3^rd quarter a member of the Beaver’s Cheer leading Squad was rushed to Graceland Memorial Hospital for an alleged sexual assault and battery.  Various eye witnesses saw Cosby awake and down on the Posse’s sidelines during the time frame of the alleged assault.  As a result of these unfortunate events, the remaining Squad members have requested Anquan on the side lines for protection during next week’s game when the Posse travels to the notorious and very dangerous Trey City.  Why the Squad chose Anquan still remains to be seen, however I suspect the ladies were overly impressed with his 300% effort during that won the game for the Posse week one.