The EBP Insider Report, Week 3
Chaos, pandemonium, high crimes and misdemeanors are just a
few words that describe this year’s season so far for the EBP. They started the year with very high hopes, a
solid draft lineup, excellent talent that was untouched by the injury bug. The first game was a W but a squeaker to that
lawless Bill Cosby team along with the unfortunate event on the side lines involving
the EBP cheer squad, and an ongoing criminal investigation. Week two was derailed by a wrong turn in the
depths of Trey City that resulted in a kidnapping and a devastating loss as
well as a total loss of the EBP team bus.
Despite these tumultuous first two week of the PSA Rifle Crew season the
EBP club was upbeat and ready to play the Lead Slingers in a home game back at
Graceland stadium. They picked up some
surprisingly good talent from free agency before the game and were favored by
almost 20 points prior to kickoff.
Unlike the first two games, the Lead Slingers appeared to be a legit
team with morals and sportsmanship. The
EBP squad was soundly beaten and out coached in a not so close game. This devastating loss was the reason the GM
placed a gag order on the entire organization in regards to talking to the
media. Rumors are abound that Elvis may
be on the way out as the GM is interviewing new replacement coaches in the
event the season continues to slide into the abyss.
Rumors have it that there have been at least three
interviews for the head coaching position.
Of course none of this is official and strictly rumor but Gene Simmons
was seen leaving in a limo behind the clubhouse after about an hour in the GM’s
office while the EBP was at practice this week.
If I were a betting man, Gene Simmons could take Elvis by the 2nd
round in any format death match. That
kind of talent is hard to resist for a win hungry GM!
Tony Stewart is the second front runner since announcing his
upcoming retirement from driving a race car.
Not really sure how good of a marriage this would be, but the rumor mill
is he is looking for a new sport where it is legal to run over people. Those anger management issues are sure a
selling point for a struggling football team looking for a winning season. Tony received a text message from the GM just
this week and some suspect that was the reason Tony has decided to hang up his
racing career to pursue a new field of study.
No one knows for sure how many times Tony and the EBP GM have spoken
prior.
The third and last possible replacement is Jeb Bush. They say that politics is like Hollywood for
ugly people, that being the case, Jeb might just fit the bill. Without a win streak in politics and a dismal
prospect for this election cycle, and a family history of being involved with
professional sports teams he does seem qualified. The GM was seen in Crawford TX this week immediately
after the bitter loss. Initial rumors
were he was drinking and watching the game with “W” and was in town for a
standard halftime beer run. When birds
of a different feather start flocking together the poperrotzis start digging
deeper to uncover the dirt. It was discovered
that Jeb flew in to meet with the GM and everyone knows it wasn’t to support
his campaign for president, so you be the judge.
Maybe after this week the gag order will be lifted and Elvis
can keep his job with a win over Carlos’s dangerous team this weekend. It is very clear however that Elvis is on the
hot seat and we are only 3 weeks into the season. (yes…yes… we all know Chip Kelly is to, but
don’t count on it) Fantasy Football is a
nasty business and if Elvis can’t pull it together, maybe Gene or one of these
other contenders can……a win is a win is a win!
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